Caring for Elderly
Hi! I'm Chris!
I'm the Founder of
Caring for Elderly
I wanted to introduce myself and give you some insight into who I am. ​I am a Christian and believe it is my responsibility to help others whenever and wherever possible.
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I have been happily married to my husband and soul mate, John, for 30 years. He is my best friend, partner in all things, and my rock! He saves me from losing my mind, keeps me grounded and takes over when he sees I am at my wits end. I promise you...these are not just words. My daughters have been trying to find someone like him out there and have decided, most definitely, I found the only one ever made. My perfect mate that God made especially for me!
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My husband is a retired Marine, so we have been fortunate to have lived in multiple areas. We met while working at Camp Pendleton. We met over the phone while conducting business. Met in person October 1, 1991, engaged on October 10, 1991, and married on December 14, 1991. We’ve both been previously married and knew exactly what we were looking for in a relationship. We had four children between us; ages almost 8, 6 ½, 4 1/2, and 2 1/2 years old. Mandy, the oldest, and Matthew, the youngest, are John's children. Katie is the older of my girls and Jen is the younger. All four were blond haired and blue eyed. We never looked like a blended family and the kids got along great. Life is not perfect and there have been many bumps along the way. We've always tried to be available to our children and grandchildren, but you can't force your intentions onto anyone.
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We lived in Okinawa, Japan for three years. We relocated to MCAS Cherry Point in Havelock, NC where we stayed for seven years until John retired from the Marine Corps.
During our time in Havelock, NC, our social circles overlapped constantly. People you know from church, school, softball, band, etc., intermingled throughout the community. We were very involved parents. I would say, "we" volunteered but there were many times I volunteered, and John followed me where I went. He ended up working just as hard, if not harder, on every project and with organization than me. I was Superintendent and Teacher of Sunday School, Girls Softball concessions and Board member, Middle School and High School Cheer chaperone (every game and competition), High School Band and Guard chaperone (every game and competition), field trip chaperone, etc. When John retired from the military, he was offered a Deputy, Transportation Security Director position for Arcata and Crescent City airports. This was part of the initial standup of the newly established division of Department of Homeland Security, the now infamous, TSA. We sat down with the girls and discussed as a family what this entailed. Katie would be starting college in six months, so six-hour drive or six-hour flight was the same thing to her. Jen, having just had a bad "petty cheer girls" day (as she preferred to call it) was in for a little change. There were a few highs and lows before it was all done, but in the end, John accepted the position, I stayed behind with the girls to finish out the school year, sell the house, get a job in California, and relocate to Sacramento.
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My mother-in-law was a wonderful person but had a very controlling demeanor. My relationship philosophy was that I was most comfortable with short visits and living on separate coasts of the USA. When we originally agreed on Eureka, this town is five hours northwest of Sacramento, where his parents lived. With my career being Human Resources, I needed to be near a hub of the federal government. Eureka is an outlying area where only satellite offices are located. I was destined to be in Sacramento and John was going to work his way down to the Sacramento International Airport. I started at the Defense Commissary Agency (Labor and Employee Relations), transferred to California National Guard (Customer Service - Employee Benefits and Employee Development) and then to Bureau of Land Management (Training Manager). I was fortunate to have been in the regional offices of each of these branches of federal government and my career progressed. Because of my "out of the box thinking" and inherited innovative thinking, I was selected to be the HR advisor on the Pacific-West region's prototype store at Smokey Point in Washington.
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Jen, the one still in high school, said if she had to move to Sacramento, then she wanted to go to the same high school as dad. We agreed. To ensure she had a good start to the year and didn't fight the transition, we arranged to fly her out for cheer tryouts. She had been in cheer throughout middle school and high school. It took coaxing the Superintendent to make an exception to their district rule of being in that school or a feeder school prior to the end of the school year to tryout but everything worked out.
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My girls had flown unaccompanied minors with the airlines a few times, so this was pretty normal for her. She stayed with my in-laws during that week. I called the first night and my mother-in-law said, "She's not here. She's over at Becca's with the other girls practicing." I immediately teared up. She was already making
friends. I couldn't have wanted more from this situation. She called me when she got back and said, "They were nice. Becca invited me over to her house. The Coach told everyone that they take cheer seriously in North Carolina. They compete against other schools, so the girls were a little intimidated. We were in the backyard and I showed them my toe-touch." At this part, I laughed. Her middle school coach put her out front because she had an awesome toe-touch. I said, "Yep. If they weren't already intimidated, they are now!" She said, "Becca started yelling to her mom in the kitchen to watch. 'You got to see Jen's toe-touch!' Her mom was pretty impressed!"
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Grandma Zell made her a nice warm bath every night and it was great. John drove to Sacramento to be there the day of tryouts and it was PERFECT! First day of school, she was wearing her cheer outfit like all the other girls. This was not my first bout with parental anxiety. Each time the girls tried out for anything; it was gut wrenching. I cried when Katie didn't get into cheer but celebrated like it was my win when she got into Guard with the band.
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​​We ended up buying his parent’s home and they built on the lot next door. We were able to be right next door to help assist them while they remained independent. We remained there until they passed away. More articles can be found on this website that will give more details on the benefits, challenges and amazing relationship that developed out of this arrangement.
I've been blessed to have been at my daughters’ bedsides during the delivery of three of four of my grandchildren. I was asked to stay with my oldest grandson, Joshua, while my older daughter gave birth to his little sister, Kaylee, since I had been one of Joshua's primary caregivers and knew morning to nighttime routines.
In 2011, Katie called to tell me she needed to get a part-time job but there were going to be times where her start time and Robby's end time would overlap. John and I discussed it and I started applying for positions in Havelock (MCAS Cherry Point) and Jacksonville (MCB Camp Lejeune) in North Carolina. I quickly received a job offer for Camp Lejeune. We put our new fifth-wheel RV in a RV park between Jacksonville and Havelock. I provided the gap childcare for Joshua. I also provided weekend, after work, and other babysitting for him and his sister ever since.
In 2016, my mother had a falling out with her younger brother in Indiana. He had been the one taking care of her needs for 16 years. Since she had already fallen approximately five times prior to this, my sister, Charlene recommended that she sell her house and move to better climate. Within two days, she had put her house on the market, sold it, set up the moving date for within 30 days and would be putting a modular home on the property we owned next door. Side note: John and I were in the middle of the ocean on our anniversary cruise when the mere suggestion came to fruition and changed our lives forever! This will also have more detailed articles that deal with the early signs of dementia.
In 2018, when I was approaching eligibility for retirement from the federal government, Katie wanted to start working full-time but was trying to figure out how the kids were going to get to school, the summer plan, etc. John, not being surprised at all, agreed on my retirement, and my becoming the afterschool and summer camp for the kids. I have found that this has become a generational thing. I have spent more time sitting at dance class chatting with other grandmas than parents.
In 2021, my younger daughter, Jen, an RN and soon to be promoted to Major in the Air Force, returned from her overseas assignment in the UK. Jen was assigned to a six-month ER fellowship. Collectively, we were concerned that the pressure was getting to Kevin on being a stay-at-home dad with two children under the age of four. With Jen’s new operational hours in the fellowship, it may put too much pressure on him. I flew out early to Arizona to help be a relief valve while they were working out specifics. We were already planning a family reunion in Arizona a little later in the month, but they were trying to find a place to live for six-months and dealing with more than sanity allows. After being with them for a few days, many conversations later, and some realizations kicking in, John and I volunteered to take the kids during the ER fellowship. We invited Kevin to stay with us or he could get a head-start in securing employment at their upcoming duty station. We would register Madison into preschool and dance class to give her some social interaction and give Jacob grandparenting attention. In the end, Kevin and Jen decided to divorce.
With the schedule of an RN with rotating shifts and on the Panama schedule (2 on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off), John and I trade off every couple of weeks staying with her to provide steady, reliable childcare with a stable environment for the babies while they are little. We currently live 3 ½ - 4 hours away but we want to help her provide the babies with family to gap mommy’s absence.
My mom has deteriorated in the last year, can no longer drive her car, unable to take her medications reliably, and her capability of making good decisions is diminished.
I have a bachelor’s degree (dual major) in Social Psychology and Management Human Resources and a master’s degree in Human Resources Development. My 30-year federal career was primarily a combination of Human Resources and Transition Assistance for the military. I originally was on track for a degree in Counseling, however, I finally put into adult words what most people already knew about me. "I have limited patience and a low tolerance for stupidity." I found I could not provide long term counseling because I can't help someone that is not willing to change behavior. Short term counseling for transition worked well, as did Human Resources.
Let’s Get in Touch
Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have or requests for specific content.
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